**Before we get into the story, no I'm not pregnant!**
One of my best friends Meghan is pregnant with a baby boy and due in April.
[Meghan and I on the Fourth of July 2010]
I meet Meghan my freshmen year of college, which was 5 years ago in our Public Speaking class. We instantly became really good friends, and I introduced her to my best friends Heather and Kim who also had a good connection with her as well. As the year passed Meghan began dating this guy Pat and then Heather began dating her then boyfriend at the time Kenny and I meet Steve through Heather and Kenny. The weird thing about this whole situation is that Steve, Kenny and Pat grew up together and were really good friends and we didn't realize it until talking to Meghan one day. This began our never ending triple dates!! Then with school, jobs, and everything in between we all didn't hang out as much. Meghan and I have a friendship that clicked from the very beginning and our friendship as always stayed the same no matter how much time passes in between seeing each other, which I absolutely love!!
Some background info - Steve works as a bartender and about 2 years ago Meghan mentioned to me that her younger brother Matt needed to get a new job asap to pay for their apartment, and could I ask Steve to mention to the managers about hiring Matt. Steve put in a good word for Matt at the restaurant he works in without knowing Matt, Steve did it out of being friends with Meghan and Meghan's boyfriend Pat. Lo and behold Steve and Matt instantly became best friends, I kid that they have a bromance together. Steve spent every football Sunday at their house, Steve and Matt have celebrated birthdays together, Steve helped Meghan and Matt move, they text back and fourth, yanno the whole friendship deal. Meghan became pregnant by oops at the end of August but we were all excited for her and Pat.
Around the beginning of January, Matt was talking to Steve at work about Meghan's baby shower, the details and that the shower was co-ed. Steve knew the details of the shower before the invites went out, and he kind of assumed that he was invited since hes been friends with Pat for years, I'm close friends with Meghan and now Steve is good friends with Matt. I believe Matt told Meghan that he was talking to Steve about the shower and Meghan sent me this text in January saying how over 150 people were invited to the shower, and there isn't really any room to add more people its just close friends and family. I didn't really understand so I responded with "so what are you trying to say"? and she wrote back that "Steve is not invited to the shower". I thought the way she went about telling me was rude but I didn't think much else of it because it was a baby shower, mostly a girls event, I didn't think Steve would be too bummed about it and he wasnt.
Some background info - Steve works as a bartender and about 2 years ago Meghan mentioned to me that her younger brother Matt needed to get a new job asap to pay for their apartment, and could I ask Steve to mention to the managers about hiring Matt. Steve put in a good word for Matt at the restaurant he works in without knowing Matt, Steve did it out of being friends with Meghan and Meghan's boyfriend Pat. Lo and behold Steve and Matt instantly became best friends, I kid that they have a bromance together. Steve spent every football Sunday at their house, Steve and Matt have celebrated birthdays together, Steve helped Meghan and Matt move, they text back and fourth, yanno the whole friendship deal. Meghan became pregnant by oops at the end of August but we were all excited for her and Pat.
Around the beginning of January, Matt was talking to Steve at work about Meghan's baby shower, the details and that the shower was co-ed. Steve knew the details of the shower before the invites went out, and he kind of assumed that he was invited since hes been friends with Pat for years, I'm close friends with Meghan and now Steve is good friends with Matt. I believe Matt told Meghan that he was talking to Steve about the shower and Meghan sent me this text in January saying how over 150 people were invited to the shower, and there isn't really any room to add more people its just close friends and family. I didn't really understand so I responded with "so what are you trying to say"? and she wrote back that "Steve is not invited to the shower". I thought the way she went about telling me was rude but I didn't think much else of it because it was a baby shower, mostly a girls event, I didn't think Steve would be too bummed about it and he wasnt.
Well, this past Saturday while Steve was working with Matt and their other friend Jared, Matt and Jared talked all about the baby shower, etc. Steve called me Saturday from his job and surprisingly told me Jared, his girlfriend Amanda, and their baby were invited to the shower. I said "that's weird that their invited, I didn't know they were close to Meghan and Pat"? Steve didn't know either.
Later that night when Steve's shift ended he expressed to me that although this is just a baby shower he was hurt that he wasn't invited and doesn't understand why. He grew up close friends with Pat, hangs out with Matt all the time, and knows Meghan well. Why were others invited and him excluded? I agreed that the situation was wrong and I was going to talk to Meghan about it after the shower. That was until Sunday morning, the day of her shower, Steve talked to me again about how upset/pissed he was and thought I should stick up for him and not go.
I was torn between going to a shower for my friend of 5 years or do I stand by Steve and defend him in something that I think is wrong? I thought a lot about the situation, talked to my mother and decided to call Meghan. I started the conversation saying that Steve found out more details about the shower, who was invited, and he was confused on why out of all people he wasn't invited. Meghan asked me what I wanted her to do and I said "you've put me in an awkward position where I have to choose between my friendship with you or the relationship I have with my boyfriend". She proceeded to tell me I was acting like a "brat" and that it wasn't a big deal, its a baby shower and I can see him when its over at 6PM. And if she let Steve come then Heather and Kim(my other best friends) would have to be allow to bring someone. I told Meghan that's not true, Steve is my boyfriend of 2 yrs, a friend to her family and not just someone I started dating. She then got nasty and said "Do you remember the conversation we had a few weeks ago? Steve is not invited he can't come, what don't you understand?" I responded saying "Okay then, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to make it". Meghan then decided to say "Katie your a spoiled bitch, why are you doing this today"? I was in shock and said "excuse me, did you just call me a spoiled bitch"? and she said "yup you're a spoiled bitch" I explained again that I don't understand why other people were invited and Steve wasn't, isn't he a good friend to them? Meghan ending the conversation screamed "do me a favor and don't come today!!" & hung up the phone.
I don't remember thinking anything, I just started crying. I was stuck in the middle of something ridiculous, the situation made no sense and it hurt me and my boyfriend. I know for sure if the situation was the other way around she'd be upset and maybe question it to.
I want your ladies honest opinion. Did I do the right thing? Should I've tried to talk to Steve and gone to the baby shower? Where do I go from here? Meghan and I haven't talked since Sunday and I don't want it to be like this.
Any advice will be appreciated!
Later that night when Steve's shift ended he expressed to me that although this is just a baby shower he was hurt that he wasn't invited and doesn't understand why. He grew up close friends with Pat, hangs out with Matt all the time, and knows Meghan well. Why were others invited and him excluded? I agreed that the situation was wrong and I was going to talk to Meghan about it after the shower. That was until Sunday morning, the day of her shower, Steve talked to me again about how upset/pissed he was and thought I should stick up for him and not go.
I was torn between going to a shower for my friend of 5 years or do I stand by Steve and defend him in something that I think is wrong? I thought a lot about the situation, talked to my mother and decided to call Meghan. I started the conversation saying that Steve found out more details about the shower, who was invited, and he was confused on why out of all people he wasn't invited. Meghan asked me what I wanted her to do and I said "you've put me in an awkward position where I have to choose between my friendship with you or the relationship I have with my boyfriend". She proceeded to tell me I was acting like a "brat" and that it wasn't a big deal, its a baby shower and I can see him when its over at 6PM. And if she let Steve come then Heather and Kim(my other best friends) would have to be allow to bring someone. I told Meghan that's not true, Steve is my boyfriend of 2 yrs, a friend to her family and not just someone I started dating. She then got nasty and said "Do you remember the conversation we had a few weeks ago? Steve is not invited he can't come, what don't you understand?" I responded saying "Okay then, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to make it". Meghan then decided to say "Katie your a spoiled bitch, why are you doing this today"? I was in shock and said "excuse me, did you just call me a spoiled bitch"? and she said "yup you're a spoiled bitch" I explained again that I don't understand why other people were invited and Steve wasn't, isn't he a good friend to them? Meghan ending the conversation screamed "do me a favor and don't come today!!" & hung up the phone.
I don't remember thinking anything, I just started crying. I was stuck in the middle of something ridiculous, the situation made no sense and it hurt me and my boyfriend. I know for sure if the situation was the other way around she'd be upset and maybe question it to.
I want your ladies honest opinion. Did I do the right thing? Should I've tried to talk to Steve and gone to the baby shower? Where do I go from here? Meghan and I haven't talked since Sunday and I don't want it to be like this.
Any advice will be appreciated!
Thank you for listening to this long story, I needed to let it out.
7 comments:
WOw hun! This really is a tough one. But the way I look at it is this, if she truely was a good friend like you claimed she was, she wouldn't of got derogatory and called you a spoiled bitch. She would of said she understood and actually given you a solid reason why Steve wasn't invited so that you could go with a clear understanding and enjoy yourself. I would of done the same exact thing you did, and stuck up for my man! We'll email more about this... :) xo
Well this whole situation definitely sucks. I'm totally not saying she was right, because it does seem really odd that Steve wasn't invited, but maybe being pregnant, she was just having a bad day? Maybe the shower was really stressing her out? Again, not saying that justifies it though. I agree that she should have given you a better answer. I hope you guys can talk through it sooner than later :)
She's probably a hormonal and emotional mess, but that's no excuse for her to treat you like that. Honestly, I don't understand the difference ONE person makes. Hope things work out for you girl, I know it's a tough situation.
wow. this is crazy! I would be just as upset as you are and really it doesn't make sense to me that if she had 150 people coming what that one person who is actually close with would matter and obviously really wants to be there! Keep us updated.
I think you did the right thing. You expressed concern and confusion as to why someone that she isn't close to is invited but her boyfriends best friend since childhood isn't? I think that you handled it well and she went about it the wrong way, completely. I feel like if the guest list was already at 150 what is one to three more people going to do? It will spare someone hurt feelings and protect a friendship. I feel that her calling you a bitch was way out of line and that she needs a reality check. To me it sounds like it's her loss and not yours. She needs to take the steps to contact YOU and apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. Keep us posted! I hope that things work out for you.
I'm in a similar situation- I was invited to my friend's wedding and my boyfriend wasn't (even though we've been together 2+yrs and he was at their engagement party). I am doing the same thing and sticking up for him. I have been calling, but the couple hasn't been answering or returning my calls! If we don't get in touch soon, I'm not going either.
I definitely agree with you for questioning her motives, and maybe she felt guilty for not having a legitimate answer as to why he couldn't come. But if one little thing like an invite to a baby shower can break up the friendship, maybe it's for the best.
Good luck!
Man, that is a tough situation. She should've had a certain way of going about inviting people. If it was a couples shower, then I would assume that every person she invited was allowed to bring a date. Of course, I've never been to one, but my first thought is that if she couldn't house each person and their S.O., she shouldn't have invited so many people. Good luck girlie!!!
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